week 1: the intention fail

One of my goals this year is to write more.

I used to be a religious journal writer, then grad school happened and I’ve never really jumped on the bandwagon again. Its not the first time I’ve mentioned this here, and yes, technically this is a written record but not a good one, and not a complete one. However, if someone really wanted to compile my life…its there, just in fragments of planners and journals, blogs and study books. Alas…

One year, I broke it down week by week and this year, I want to do the same. Even if I can just post once a week, its better than nothing.

Lessons of the week–
1. Vertigo is bad but having PT friends who know vestibular and balance is good. Somehow, I acquired the condition of a 50+ year old and had loose inner ear crystals running amok in my semi-circular canals. It was rough. But then dear Joann fixed it! I am forever grateful and am grateful that I am not always as nauseated as it made me feel for 5 out of the last 7 days.

2. I get an eye twitch when I’m real nervous and when I’m sleep deprived its worse.   Fortunately, I think I’m the only one who can see it; however, I feel really awkward.

3. If one can make friends with the security guard, one can park on any level they want! The security guard told me twice this week that I could park on the second floor! Not that it really matters which floor I park on… 🙂

4. I should always park in the same place in City Creek. Otherwise, I will invariably spend a lot of time trying to remember the first view I had when I came up the elevator.

5. I know nothing about chocolate but I did taste some of the best in the world this week! And delicious balsamic vinegar and sipping vinegars. Now, if only I had time to cook with it all!

6. I can talk about child language for a really long time.

7. I love feeding disorders and am so impressed by my incredible staff and their knowledge and skills.

8. I have mission ptsd from getting bit by a dog and a close encounter with a scary dog the same day…large dogs running toward me will cause me to look really really panicked. And I don’t feel bad about it.

9. I think I’ve learned to say no even when I really want to say yes and vice versa. Because that’s not confusing.

10. I’ve conquered some fears this week. Fear of failure. Fear of judgement. Fear of being perceived incorrectly. Fear of crushing egg shells. Fear of asking for help. Now these aren’t permanent conquerings but every step counts.

At the end of the week, I haven’t been as intentional as I’d like to be. But I have found consistency in habits I haven’t been consistent in before. I’ve been more forgiving of my own short comings and my “new years resolutions” that haven’t gone as perfect as I’d dreamed. I choose to intentionally fail and to intentionally try again tomorrow and the next day and every day thereafter.

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